Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
