so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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