id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
