Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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