How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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