the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
this will be a night to untag.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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