i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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