What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
