I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
