Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
