Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
