Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
