I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
