I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
your room smells of hookers.
And success
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
