i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
