I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
