Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
