The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
