so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
