Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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