I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
