Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
