I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
