Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
