You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
