she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
