If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have tasted many bathrooms
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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