I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Who died my cat blue again?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
