wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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