her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
