Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
