I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Fuck appropriateness.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
