If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
