who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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