i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I want a musical about memes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
