member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
soo... how was my night?
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