This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
