i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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