four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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