so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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