I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize