i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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