All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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