im six kinds of drunk right now
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
