don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
