I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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