She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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