Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
