What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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