she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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