how can u be prego again
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
