"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
