Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
