Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
