I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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