So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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