he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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