yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We're too hungover to prance.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
