i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
