This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
