ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
