I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Randomize
