We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
