yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We're too hungover to prance.
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