I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
