I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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