Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
