I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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