And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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