First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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