she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Randomize
