Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
