I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
