Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
