the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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