He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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