I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
