Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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