U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Operation Purity has been aborted
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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